Colbertology
Colbertology: The study of all things Stephen Colbert. Colbertologist: One who has attained a Master's of Science or higher in the field of Colbertology. Background Colbertology was established shortly after the first episode of "The Colbert Report" graced America's airwaves on October 17, 2005. Colbert's background, heretofore littleknown, began with its birth in the womb of the womb of a mutated wombat nesting in the caves along the ridges of a cliff on the north east banks of Lake Como, Italy near Gravedona. Its mother born and carried it in its womb until by happenstance arriving upon a transported cigarette racing boat unbeknowngst to its owners to the shores of New York in 1842 from the future. This was the beginning of futures trading as we know it and wombat futures have been robustly declining ever since. Born, for the first time in 1864, ohhh these were waring times, Colbertofski, who quickly truncated the name to loose some Polish hangers on, enlisted in the war effort as an independent who's services were little used. Sencing an enourmous amount of unusefulness, Colbert began to repor on the futures exchanges which had not yet been established and was able to embellish the repor with his own wombatitudinal exploits, ohh to be young in New York. Greatness had begun, and its wombat to human transition was completed at birth in 1960. Stephen Colbert was Born Again! The term "Colbertologist," with its present implication of higher education, was never used in his lifetime. During those years, the people who devoted themselves to the study of all things Stephen Colbert were, in common lexicon, known as "stalkers," although this is actually a misnomer. "Stalker" is a legal term, designating one who engages in at least two of the following actions: following at close distances (5 to 10 meters); wearing a ski mask when not skiing; lying to the media; sending suggestive pieces of clothing through the mail; fraternizing with bears. These so-called "stalkers" are better referred to in a phrase used by Colbert himself, "assorted crazy people." Colbertology recognizes the Assorted Crazy People as one cohesive phylum, although there is a controversial movement to recategorize this group as its own kingdom. Taxonomy The field of Colbertology now recognizes several distinct classes of the Assorted Crazy People (referred to in Colbertology parlance as "ACPs"). The two largest classes are the "It-Getters" and the "Others." The former group consists of twenty or so large and small orders, while "Other" merely references four distinct orders, populated by those who failed to acknowledge and/or understand the genius which was Stephen Colbert. These four segments were determined by an algorithm which factored in political affiliation and the ability to understand satire. The "It-Getters" most remembered today are the orders "Heroes" and "Fans," with a small but critical minority in favor of expanding the genus species fan girl into its own class. Popular Courses in Colbertology *BEAR 101: The Ancient Fine Art of Glorious Bear Hunting *BEAR 217: Living in a Blood-Thirsty Bear Society *HOMO 102A: Successfully Respressing Homosexual Urges *EAR 103: Lend me your ear - Mine's Crooked See Also * Naileontology